Excerpt.

We all have our ups and downs,

we build, we break

and sometimes all we need to do is went out.

It’s been months that I haven’t even seen her, I don’t even remember what her voice was like without the radio wave disturbances, I don’t remember what she smelled like when I last met her. All I remember are those eyes on that sad face looking at me at the departures on the Mumbai airport and telling me not to go. I should have heard them, and not the words she said.

I wish, I wish,

With this line,

I land in her arms,

And everything would be fine.

I should drop out, leave everything, but I don’t know why I couldn’t? I guess that’s because I hope it someday turn to be the way it was when I had just started. When she was there in there, at the back stage, behind the scenes, sitting on the chair beside me.

I love it when I was doing all this for her, with her. Now, it feels like I’m obliged to do this. I wish we could still have those hugs before I walk up for something, those stolen kisses during the off field battles, and those endless conversations before I dressed up for the war, or when I came back home.

I wish I could just see her again smiling when I miss a beat, telling me it's going to be okay, holding my hand when I sung a song, bobbing her head to the rhythm and where I could see those eyes against the spotlight again, I wish I could see those eyes against the sun, I wish I could see those eyes now, I wish I could see her.

I loved it, I love her. She is my music and she if couldn’t be with me, how is my music ever going to be with me? It’s better if I quit, rather than being like this. I need to stop.

If I play wrong notes, it’s still music,

If I play without her, it isn’t.

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What hurts, and what doesn't?

What do you count as not being together?

The few months of being away or the fact that you are never going to see them ever again?

Or that you choose to go away from each other but wish to be together?

Or is it being in arms but not in thoughts?

We see losses, we see changes, we see people going away, we see people coming into our lives, well, in this world the only thing that remains constant is change; and changes hurt. Most of us are not very happy with the idea of it altogether, neither am I. A favorite singer, sportsperson, actor, model, dancer, teacher, writer or someone who were the only reason you did something, getting retired, could be heart wrenching for us. The loss of relationships you hold with these people, with a person, with a friend, a relative, with a significant one could be the worst thing that could happen to any of us. As it is said,

Grieving upon the loss of someone who isn't dead,

Is the worst thing a heart needs to do.

In all the thing we do in life, there are a few thing we wish, didn't happen, we wish didn't exist, we wish aren't memories but just dreams. They hurt. It pains in reliving a memory you remember so well that you cannot even cheat it to be a dream. But sometimes, they are what make us.

For a moment let's look back to what we were and then to what we are. Facebook memories might help on this. Changes are what make us. Until there isn't a need for it, we don't grow. Until there is no tearing, there is no rebuilding and without it, what are we? Even though we want the things to be like they were, and we want them to stay like that forever, it just cannot happen.

Growing form a five year old to a twenty year old, from a knocking engine to a super sport, from a crawler to a sprinter, and from a failed relationship to something that would last forever. Everything has changed and you are loving it, you'll love this moment too, you'll miss it, we just don't see it right now, but I hope soon we would. I'm not saying things won't get to where they were, you won't ever be with the person you want to be, or with whom you were, it's just that, things would not be like they were, they would be better.

If things repeated themselves, 

so would their ends. 

If universe stopped making 'new', 

there would never be an 'old'. 

P.S. Why does a pint hurt and a bed of pins doesn't, like seriously? Get back to me in the comments.

If you liked this post then,

Like and share

Support my movement #makeherlisten Here.

Find my other blogs Here

Follow me for more updates Here
Buy my Work The First Crush at 13 Here(International) and Here(India)

And connect with me on Facebook, Twitter (@SunainBanga), Google+, Instagram