3 Pints of Beer

How could I find a way out if I'm afraid?

I know man, it's hard.

But do I have a choice?

Ab toh baatein bhi band hai,

Khuda ke darwaaze bhi band hai.

Darr laga rehta hai,

Fir bhi dil yeh kehta hai,

Kaise jaun?

Kya batau?

Zyaada taiyaar hoke, affection dikhau?

Ya aise hi jaa kar coincidence dikhau?

Photo? Nahi hai.

Portfolio? Nahi hai.

Photo dekh ke kya karega?

Shakal se pyaar bhi nahi hai,

Uski ruh se pyaar hai,

Bas uske mann ne ka intezaar hai.

Darr laga rehta hai,

Fir bhi dil yeh kehta hai,

Date kar rahi hai kya woh?

Kya milne jaati hai kisiko?

Haan, toh me jaun ki nahi?

Nahi, toh me jaun ki nahi?

At first glance? Nahi bhai.

Take a chance? Nahi bhai.

Ab toh hamara milna hi koi sanjog hai,

Uske college ke idher jaun? Nahi yaar bahot log hai.

Classes ke udher jaun? Nahi 10 minute baad uska curfew hour hai.

Ya usse uss restaurant me bulaun? Jo bridge ke uss paar hai?

Darr laga rehta hai,

 Fir bhi dil yeh kehta hai,

Dost se kehkar bula toh lunga usse,

Par backfire hua toh kaise manaunga usse?

Internship karti hai toh kya uske office jaun?

Ya fir chalte hue milun aur engine pe ilzaam lagau?

Ruk jaa bhai zara shaanti se bata mujhe.

Pheli baar kis college me dikhi thi woh tujhe?

Usko abhi phone lagaun aur sab bata dun?

Ya uske ghar jaake sab suna dun?

Himmat se jaunga, par himmat kidher se laun?

Kya 3 pint beer peeke jaun?

Darr laga rehta hai,

Par dil yeh kehta hai,

Yaar uss din dikhi thi,

College se aate hue,

Friend se saath thi,

Baat karte hue.

Fir, fir kya hua?

Kya kuch kuch hua?

Agar college late nahi jaata uss din me.

2 train chod ke nahi rukta doston ke binn me,

Agar nahi poochta woh bhala aadmi mujhse rasta unjaana

Toh nahi dikhta usse uss ka dewaana,

Darr laga rehta hai,

Fir bhi dil yeh kehta hai

Helmet ka flap usne jab uthaya,

Aur apni aakhon ko meri aankhon se milaya,

Kasam  khuda ki, uske chehre ka rang udd gaya,

Jab me usse dekh muskuraya, aur hawa ka ruk mudd gaya.

Naam kya hai uska?

Chehra kaisa hai uska?

Bhool gai woh khud woh kya bol rahi thi,

Waqt ruk gaya aur hamari alag duniya ban gai thi,

Tujhe dekhna hai, toh samajh jannat jaisi dikthi hai,

Kaash aisa ho ki woh aaj bhi mujhpe marti hai,

Darr laga rehta hai,

Par aaj bhi yeh dil kehta hai,

Ki aae zindagi mujhse daga na kar,

Me uss se durr rahun yeh dua na kar,

Baahon me sama lun, aur woh kabhi durr na jae,

Harr mod, harr gali hum ek duje ka saath paye,

Jaa yaar, mil le uss se ek baar,

Keh de karta hai tu uss se pyaar,

Jana toh me bhi chahta hun par yeh pair saath nahi dete,

Kabhi ek dukhta hai, toh kabhi dusra hatt jata hai peeche

Jana toh chahta hun par kaise jaun?

Kya me 3 pint beer peeke jaun?

P.S. I don't consume alcohol.

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FORCE

The net acceleration produced in a body is directly proportional to the applied force and inversely proportional to the mass of the body.

F=ma

Newton's Law of Motion,

Even though the man, made laws to make us understand the motion of a body, everything seems to have a deeper meaning.

Sometimes we wish the things were not the way they are, we wish our lives had followed a different path, we wish people understood, but well, you could force things to move, not people. You try to make them understand; feel what you feel with all you have and against all you know, until there's no one standing on your side, not even you.

"It is impossible, I'll never reach there, it's time I learn and give u  " and then you meet someone who gives you FAITH and then you fight again against everyone until    your faith dies. But then, you meet another person who gives you another way to the same address and new will for another day, and then comes in another person and then another and you meet these 'faith's on mere coincidences.

We come across incidences, people and things every day and even though they seem coincidences they are not. The Universal Force is not that lazy.

The universe has its own flow, it goes the way it wishes to, you could either fight the flow of the force or enjoy it. Enjoy it? No, I'm not telling you to stop fighting, I'm not telling you to give up and sit back, I'm telling you take a minute, sit back and think, think about where do you wish to be, first why? And then how? Overcome the FEAR and explore; the depths, the heights, the bright side you are at and the dark spot you haven't so far. Think about the blocked paths, and the paths that you haven't tried yet, leave yourself free, flow with the force, don't pressurize, fly, just maintain that slight angle and let the universe guide you; and those flames in you, keep them alive, for that will make you different, distinct.

Believe that sometimes the only way out of darkness is through it, understand that faith lies within, it's not external. Hope, however, could be. Understand the difference between "there will be" of faith and "there should be" of hope, believe the in 'faith's you met in coincidences, and now believe that coincidences don't exist, only sequences do and what you went through to get here was a sequence of coincidences, a 'serendipity'.

If the universe is what you are fighting with, if you believe it is what is stopping you from getting there, then why the sequence? Why?

You haven't given up so far, not now.

The universe always fall in love with a stubborn heart

We all have a sequence of events, no matter how much time it takes, how tired you are, how may times you've wished to let go, you'll turn up exactly where you always wished to be, for people play unfair, the universe doesn't. Identify the sequence and say what you feel, before you are too late, waiting is a mistake.

For, "When nine hundred years old you reach. look as good you will not. Go young Skywalker, May the 'force' be with you." This was coming, you saw it coming right? Anyone, hi-five? No? Yoda??

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FAITH

The Dictionary tells us it is a strong belief.

We live in moments, moments from our past, moments that never happened, and those from our future. We live in years ago to seconds ago and imagining ourselves in situations that never have and will never occur, and then we think about the consequences it would have had on the upcoming Sunday to the day of our deaths, and we grieve upon them, wishing they never happen or they did. We have our own miseries and battles of everyday, but the sorrows of our past and the worries of our future are our walking stick, we just can't take a step without them!

"I've learned."

"I've moved on."

"I don't care anymore."

"I've realized I never wanted it."

Loosing something or someone takes a great toll, it rips apart your mind and soul, it keeps you awake nights on the end, making you wish you never had feelings. You sit by the window sill gazing at the night sky and wait for a shooting star to drop by. It takes courage to say goodbyes, the pain never goes away and no time doesn't heal; it just makes live with your scars, the pain, making you believe it has always been there. You have to either hold on or let go. It's always easier to run, to replace the pain with something numb, you wish you could let go but you are afraid to move forward ever again, for you are afraid to have another past. But one eternity later when you are about to make peace with the pain and finally decide to live exist, you bump into them and everything you ever had comes rushing back.

"I've learned." to live with it.

"I've moved on." to believing it was a lie.

"I don't care anymore." about anything else.

"I've realized I never wanted it." I always needed it.

There's is a difference between what people hear when you say something and what you heard in your own voice.

"What has happened cannot be changed" Yes you cannot, but you can change what's going to happen in the next few seconds, hours, days and years. All you need is something from that one goddamned person, whom Disney calls 'your fairy godmother'. No they don't do anything, no magic does not exist; it's not a Peter Pan tale! and no they are not always mothers, sometimes not even humans, or fairies for that matter. They are someone, something, some post, or a 5 word-line hidden in 75000 other, a few letter that spell out to you, F-A-I-T-H.

Though the star aligned in favor of my fate,

The darkness the night bought, ruined my faith.

P.S. It's your chance take it, remember, a man who believes his own lie, cannot lift the hammer, because he is not worthy. Get it? Marvel people? No?

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F.E.A.R.

"Forget Everything And Run"

"Face Everything And Rise"

"First Encounter Assault Recon" maybe? No. Gamers?

Height? Water? Closed room, dark, audience, death?

What do we fear? Why are we afraid? What crosses your mind when you hear the word?

We have been so afraid of so may things but we love them and name them like we name our pets,  like hippomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the fear of long words, seriously? Why do we name them? So that we could categorize them and we could say "That I'm afraid of this something" and calm ourselves that there is nothing to worry, I'm afraid of just one thing. 

Actually, we are afraid of everything because we, are afraid of loss. We tend to become so possessive about everything that passes by us that we begin to fear loosing it. Acrophobia, because we fear falling off and die thereby loose our life. Aqua phobia, claustrophobia, fears of suffocating to death by water and closed room, nyctophobia, a ghost will stab me if I couldn't see it in the dark, Stage phobia? I'd just choke up and loose my pride and confidence and everything.

Offensive? Well it offended me too, believe me, I've been in those shoes, but for a second think of someone you love, something you want, someone you want to be, but they just come over to you to say "I don't think it's working", the price of that ring in the jewelry store just hyped, you were demoted to an associate for the 5 minutes you were late by to a meeting, and now you give up or fight. Face everything and rise? You won't move on, you won't buy some other ring anyway, or face defeat in an un-fought battle. This thing remains at the back of your head and nudges you. You are on the internet searching "Could I...?" and you hear what you want even though it took the other side a million times, and then you search "How can I...?" You work, fight, save, develop, do everything in your limits and when you stop, it nudges you again and then you do what's beyond you. You make a move and then you wait to get a chance to make another. But this thing keeps nudging you, and you are on the internet again searching "Will I ever...?" You ask their friends, family, spy on them, stalk them, to  know if they have started dating someone; you stop near that shop to see if that ring is still in the display; pass by the office to see if someone is sitting on that chair. You spend years of your life at that one goddamned thing, and one day when you think you are just inches away, you ask them out, you walk in that shop, on your way to boss's office with you best report ever and hear - taken, sold, occupied.

You were the first to think to about climbing the Everest, but you couldn't earlier because you weren't ready, but today you have been through 39 days 11 hours and 8500m above sea-level on this torturous piece of land after months of training. You are a day away, might be less and there you meet one guy climbing downhill, "Howdy, where are you coming from?" you ask. "Uphill, I just marked my flag up there, it's so pleasant there, calm and chilly" and everything comes crashing down. All these eight thousand meters this guy had always been ahead of you, just that you never knew. What do you do? Climb up and never be, or  climb down and pretend it never was.

If you feel it, your trembling feet, shivering hands and dry mouth that's the fear of loss, a phobia without a name, at least Google doesn't know.


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A Wedding Gift

It was just another day, another evening, the best evening like it was expected to be, after all, it was my wedding day. The entire villa was engulfed in lights that shone bright enough to blind the sun. My groom awaited me, impatiently, sitting by the holy fire. I can't say what I felt at the moment, all I remember of it is excitement and fear. I had nothing to be afraid though, we had been planning this day for years now. I walked down the stairs to the lawn.

My father, the ex-army-commander sat there by his son-in-law, sharing his army-stories in fits of laughter. I smiled at him and told my ladies that I needed a bit of personal time and walked towards the washroom in the remote corner of the lawn.

When I walked out, I saw my dad's friends standing right outside the door, away from the reaches of light.

"He... he... hello, uncle" I, I stammered. I had never stammered, but sure had been afraid. I could see the devil in their eyes.

I screamed, I shouted I yelled for help; or I just think I did. I passed out suffocating from the cloth in my mouth or his hand over my face, or probably from the pain. Next thing, I remember, I woke up beside a speeding road, in the midst of nowhere. Blood streaked down my thighs.

I never saw them again, my family, I never saw them. I confronted my dad though, he never believed me and pushed me off his property. He said he lost his pride because of what I did on my wedding, I lost mine too, to what was done to me. My groom? The love of my life? Well him, he has a gorgeous wife and a beautiful daughter.

All I have now, except the lost everything, are two syringes of cannonball. I've never tried it earlier, hell, not even alcohol. But here, it reads on the bottle, anything more than 1.5 ml is a sure death, and now all I have to do is stare at the clock, tick-tock, tick-tock.

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What if?

            We all have that one shot at love, like a sniper, whoosh and pop! You hit it right and the chain of perfect shots begin, your entire worlds seems a new place, your contact is restricted to just one person on this planet and yet it's all you've ever wanted, you believe in magic, you believe that they were sent by smurfs or angels or might be both, who knows! And you don't mind staying up late because you could to talk to them and you don't care what the world has to say about your new food habits, you finally realize how it is to smell heaven, and you no longer need reasons to smile. But what if one of those bullets in the perfect chain doesn't hit the bull's eye, what if doesn't even land on target, it only goes whoosh, no pop?

         "We are not meant to be." "It's over." "I don't want to hurt you, I don't know how to say this..." "We are done." "...I'm breaking up with you." It was just one shot, the wind was way too strong, you could have done nothing, and everything you built up, everything you thought you'd do, you'd be, everything goes downhill, and then you ask yourself, was it all worth it? You have ego clashes and you don't talk with each other, you don't want to see their face, kill them if you may, suffering, pain, agony fuel up your anger, rage and pride, you know what's inside, you know what you have to do, but well your pain looks like your pride.

       In this strongly connected world, why do our hearts fail to connect? We have become so superficial that we may have began to believe what's outside is inside. Maybe the one you were with wasn't "the one" and it was just a part of a mutual attraction, or maybe the one you just broke up, or has dumped you and you lost hope of getting them back, in phrases of was it meant to be? Why do we stick to someone, saying "She's the one", when all you've ever thought about them is what under their clothes rather what's inside them, why do we say to ourselves, life goes on, when we said , "My life? Well she's sleeping at her place."


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Shh! It was just a bad day

She was sitting on the bed, her legs stretched. I crawled on the bed and went close to her and rested my head on her lap. I didn't face her, but her feet.

"Are you okay?" She asked. I nodded and held her tightly.

"Okay" She said and started stroking my hair.

Not that she didn't know something was wrong, but that I wasn't going to say a word. She knew the more she pushed for, the angrier I'll get. For this was not the first time, and wasn't going to be the last either. She had seen this side of me earlier, and well, that was the first time, she saw me at my worst. We don't talk about it. For both of us know, it isn't to be bought up. I tossed and turned a million times, but she just kept stroking my hair.

I got up, looked into her eyes, and then rested my back on the pillow beside her. I pulled her close, she didn't resist, instead rested her head on my chest. I saw her fall asleep, and wished to see her till the end of time

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