If I Wrote you...

I wish I never met you,

I wish I never saw you,

I wish I never held you,

I wish, I wish there was no you.

I flick through the page the pages of my diary more often than not. I see you crossing by me and even though you look at me, you turn your head away, like I don't exist. I know you think that I don't notice but I see you turn your head and look at me when you've walked away, I've got rear view mirrors. My feet still freeze, my heart still skips a beat and passersby still ask me what am I smiling at and all this while I've been trying to get a closure from you. I just had one question, why? Even though, I guess, I know the answer to that.

I've heard your friends complain why do I still describe you in my writings, while mine complain why do I write unrealistic things. I never wrote about you, I never wrote things that weren't goals. Even if I tried, girl you give me writer's block. I feel like I'm short of words. I could write everything about you, but I could never write you -- because, well, it hurts.

My brain freezes, the world hates me and no one talks to me when I think about you. Not even the people I make up. I have tried so many times but I just couldn't. If I could and if I did, I don't know how many acres of paper I would be writing on, and I don't think I would ever stop writing if I could write you.

All this time, I missed so many chances and escaped so much that now I don't even know what track I was on, from where did I escape? I could have done so much, but all I did was wait. I wish it was never too late to apologize and now I... I'm just glad I never got my closure because that would only mean that it has ended and good things don't need to end. Immortal stories don't end.

If I could write you, I would be the luckiest man on earth.

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Kahin Mile toh Usse Kehna

Waade bahot kiye the tujhse,

Koi bhi pura nahi kar saka mein,

Koshishein puri ki thi mene,

Par koi koshish puri nahi kar saka mein,

Tujhe khush rakhne ka waada kar,

Teri hassi ka qatil bana me,

Unn yaadon me jeeta hun,

Jinme me tera na ho saka me,

Waqt ke harr pal badalne se pareshaan hun,

Fir bhi har lamha teri yaad me bita raha hun me,

Kahin mile toh usse kehna,

Harr waada nibha raha hun me.

Kehna toh bahot kuch hai,

Par magar me keh nahi pata,

Mohabatton ka tufaan sama hai mujhme,

Magar me jataa nahi pata,

Tere darwaze pe baitha rehta hun,

Na jaane tu kab laut aae,

Nahi aaegi yeh janta hun,

Par dil yeh samjh nahi pata,

Dil ke lagataar dhadkne se pareshaan hun,

Fir bhi har dhadkan tere naam sajha raha hun me,

Kahin mile toh usse kehna,

Har waada nibha raha hun me.

Unn rasto pe chalta hun,

Jinpe teri yaad basti hai,

Jinpe teri muskurahat,

Aur teri chaal ki masti hai,

Dua karta hun ki aaj tujhe dekh saku,

Chahe door se ek jhalak hi sahi,

Kyunki meri duniya thamb jati hai

Jab tu hasti hai.

Sadkon ke yunn achanak mudne se pareshaan hun,

Fir bhi har mod pe tera naam daura raha hun me,

Kahin mile toh usse kehna

Harr waada nibha raha hun me.

Chahe samundrah tere pair chuhe,

Maaf tu mujhe kabhi karegi nahi,

Galti meri thi me janta hun,

Par kya ek kadam bhi tu chalegi nahi?

Tere liye me milon bhaga hun,

Harr cheeze chod di jo mujhe pyaari thi,

Ek baar mujhse baat toh karle,

Meri ruh itni jalegi nahi,

Aatmao ki yeh gazab mulakaat se pareshaan hun,

Fir bhi teri naarazgi ki wajha raha hun me,

Kahin mile toh usse kehna,

Harr waada nibha raha hun me.

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A Dog Tale

You know I had this dog. Well, um, I didn't own it, it was a stray dog, but I felt like I own it.

There was this thing about it, whenever it saw me enter my building or if I passed by it would bark at me. Always. I thought it barks at everyone so I tired to see over it from outside the gate a few times. It was nowhere to be seen even if the mailman passed by. I thought it has something to do with my odour so I thought it would bark at my family too, now they don't have the same smell but it got similar but, well, it didn't bark. I thought it was his thing with the people with briefcase, so I looked over at him when a man with a briefcase passed by. It came up, wagging it's tail sniffed at the briefcase, probably smelling his lunch and then walked away. Nothing else, not even growling.

It barked only at me and soon it started to haunt me. Whenever I left for work or got back home or had to even go downstairs the first thought would always be, "It's going to be there." Finally, I gave up on wondering and agreed to the fact the it is always going to be there no matter what. I just got used to it barking. It became like the local train announcement for me. Even though I know what station it is, it just tells me. You just settle in.

One day, I got home from work and it didn't bark. Well, I couldn't care less. Another day passed and then another and I didn't see it. On the fourth day, I started getting worried. Where is it? I searched for it, bought biscuits but didn't see it anywhere. I asked the watchman, he said he never saw a dog like that. Where is my dog?

Now I wonder, if instead of passing by it everyday and shooing it away, if I had only stopped once and petted it, I would have know why it barks. 

Does this happens with thoughts too? When they get old do they just die? Do the memories fade? Do they not haunt you anymore when you let go? Do you miss them? Do they come back? Just like the way I want my dog to come back. Even though they hurt right now they will someday become the best memories and probably you are going to wish they stay with you forever. Memories hurt but they are what make us, they are the cutest gift we have got. 

Anyways, tell me if you see my dog, it is the cutest thing alive.

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